Gypsies Invade Northeast Greenwood

The North Greenwood Band of Carpet Cleaning Gypsies practice their distracting dance in an undisclosed location.

Apparently a family of carpet cleaning gypsies has moved into the Greenwood area. Just a few days ago, I received an email from a friend of the family (or maybe it was simply a family member - I can't recall). Anyway, the email warned of a nomadic band of gypsies and foretold of their carpet cleaning charade that was intended as a "cover" for their less-than-noble deeds.

The following is based on a true story and is told in first-person narrative exactly as written and experienced by my family member, er - family friend. Only the victims' names have been changed to protect the innocent:

By RHONDA McGREGOR
Special to the Delta Dirt

It all started when I was sitting on the floor going over a few things for an interview I have tomorrow and my oh-so-dramatic mother, Lerleen, comes running across the house screaming, "Rhonda! Rhonda! Are all the doors locked? Are all our cars locked?"

Frankly, I couldn't remember a moment in time when our doors weren't locked. So naturally, I said, "Yes, why? Why are you freaking out, mom?"

At this, she appeared in my doorway like a bolt of greased lightening and said, "I just talked to Callie (her best friend), and there are GYPSIES in town who are going into peoples' homes and stealing things!"

I couldn't believe what she was saying.

Clearly upset, she continued, "Callie was standing at her kitchen window when she saw a little girl dancing a jig all over her driveway. When she went to the door, Callie said the little girl asked if she needed her carpets cleaned. She said when she looked behind the little girl she saw a red van being driven by two mysterious-looking people."

The insanity didn't stop there.

Lerleen went on to say, "Callie said her neighbors had the same thing happen to them and that their cars were ransacked just ten days ago. When Callie walked across the street to ask the neighbors if the same thing had happened to them, they said yes. Having heard about Callie's episode, the neighbor got in his car to look for the gypsies because they called the cops and the cops, of course, never came."

Having heard this, I started dying out laughing because all I could do was picture this little girl dancing around and asking Callie if she could clean her carpets. I have no idea what real gypsies look like, but I was picturing some pirate-looking Johnny Depp-ish person with lots of jewelry, a long skirt, drinking rum.

Needless to say, we had seen no trace of any so-called gypsies. But my mother was still freaking out.

At that point, all I could think of to say was, "Well mother, you better get our cats inside in case the gypsies come. That way, the gypsies won't steal them or at the very least, ask to steam clean them."

She got mad and said I was on my own if the gypsies ever came to our door.

The next night, we were eating supper and I got up to answer my phone. When I came back, I heard Lerleen talking to someone at the front door.

She was saying, and I quote: "Let me just stop you right there. My daughter has moved all of her belongings here while she looks for a job and my entire house is just packed with things and there is no way you could get in to clean the carpets."

As I heard this, I thought to myself, "I MUST see what this "gypsy" looks like." I was expecting, as I said, Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. As I peered over my mother's shoulder, there he was...the "gypsy." He was a small, clean cut, cute little boy in his early twenties with gel in his hair and a suit and tie on.

As my mother was giving him all the ammunition he needed by telling him just how much stuff we have packed into our house, the small Backstreet Boy-looking fellow said, "Well I can work around all of the stuff in the rooms. We do that all the time. We could even just Scotch Guard the furniture."

Lerleen wasn't having any of it. She interjected, "I'm going to give this brochure back to you right now because there is just no way you can clean around all the stuff in this house." In response, the "gypsy" said, in a small, defeated voice, "Thank you ma'am and you have a nice night."

So if this little N'Sync 98 Degrees Backstreet Boy is, in fact, a "gypsy," then he will certainly be back with his posse because he now knows that he can get two houses for the price of one, since all my furniture and belongings are here too. I have stocked the pantry with Bacardi rum and am ready for the party to begin.